So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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