I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
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