He had one of those small greek statue penises
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
