i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
