I need help removing her.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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