At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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