She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
