Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
