dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
