My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Randomize
