I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Randomize
