spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Randomize
