the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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