It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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