I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
