I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
