In the future we'll all be gay
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Randomize
