:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
