It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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