a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
