i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
