I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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