I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
