I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
