This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
