my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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