my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
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