The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
No I am not eating basil off your cock
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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