just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
