I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
