hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
