i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
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