The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
