i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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