Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I did not marry a roomba.
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