If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
