I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
