just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
