I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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