goodnight i made you a song goodbye
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
