so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
