he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Randomize
