Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
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