Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Randomize
