Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
