I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
