Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I need to align my fucking chakras
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
