Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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