he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
