he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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